What do you know about Hurt?,Pain?,Shock?.
Hey Nations ,sorry I've been missing in action.I know we just got done shouting over all the things God revealed in the last post about what we are expecting!!!!! October proved to be a month of extremely highs and bewildering lows . Yet still I trust in the name of the lord ! So just gonna share with you all my journey . It's been a crazy month and I could safely say that it felt like I lived through a year. I had some great moments where I discovered my purpose in ministry,launched and saw my youtube channel grow, develop some pretty cool blogs on here, had some amazing divine connections. That was like only the first week of October. I traveled to my home country ,saw some new members of my family, experienced a crazy moment with my nation,hopped back on a plane ,had an amazing week of career finalizations and the very highs of "almost being in love" and the many laughs and joys of hanging with good girlfriends. Then heading to church and being overly happy, singing ,dancing and then my world stopped! Like an echoing silence,everything that was once moving,stopped. The joy that I once felt,stopped. The busyness of my schedule stopped. It only took one message,to shatter the deepest places of my heart. My friend ,my brother ,passed away in a tragic incident ending his ever so promising life.
This post is dedicated to my friend , I love you brother and as I share this story , if you have ever felt like your world paused. I pray you find strength and peace and the love of God surrounds you like a shield.
As an International student living away from your country there is one thing that I found myself dreading. It's sad phone calls or any phone call or message that almost paints a reality that you know could leave you feeling broken. Overtime I would see a call coming in from my mum or a series of missed calls , my heart would skip a beat just because you just never know. Thankfully God has blessed me that I haven't heard any bad news till this happened. I won't share my friends story but what I would say is that he was also an International student and one of our last conversations that I will honor for the rest of my life is when he asked me "Apryl how did you manage college?".I was honest with him and I told him " Most days I really did not, I felt scared ,sad and very alone". I didn't go into all the details with him ,simply telling him " that is a story for another day"... a day that will never come now because he is gone!. I remembered saying "make sure and stay connected and that I would always be there for him ,especially when he feels like he is getting caught up". It was the best advice I think I could have given him ,but it remained the best advice that I needed for myself. The thing about living away from your home ,for me, most of my closest relationships were people from Trinidad. If I had a problem,I would message my bestie there,reach out to them ,rely on them. However in this situation they were experiencing the same pain that I was and I didn't want to burden them or at least that was what it felt like. God reminded me of the conversation I had with my friend before he passed and I felt myself struggling to take my own advice. Here I was, sad,devastated,shocked and refusing to reach out to anyone. You begin to justify not reaching out by saying,what will people say,"be strong,you'll get through this, everything happens for a reason".I really wasn't trying to hear any of that, I just wanted to feel how I felt and magically get through it.
There are some times in my life that I feel and hear God strongly and on this day where I sat by myself ,in the brink of fall, cold breeze blowing on my face, busy New York streets that seemed to go still for a minute,I felt and heard the voice of God. He showed me two people, a male and female that he wanted me to speak to in the US. In my heart I knew it was God and I immediately threw a two-year old toddler tantrum like no God no please don't make me do it. You see , I hate being vulnerable.....this blog and even Vlog are very huge steps for me and I still get to somewhat hide behind a screen and leave my audience interpreting what I say ,the way they choose to. Sitting and talking to someone and being real about everything is a whole other level. I in part blame my job as well,being a therapist , I am usually on the listening and guidance end of the stick and I have learnt to develop that almost scary " I have it altogether mantra ". I would say it's extremely difficult having to hear those powerful words from God and knowing that I actually had to do it. So I did it , cringing the entire time I spoke with them ,knowing that just being that vulnerable was the direction I needed to go. It did 't kill me,lol, I opened up a little and God really allowed a peace to come over me. Like I felt ,supported,cared about and most importantly loved. Now understand that this is big for me,or any person away from their comfort zone.Trusting people in general can be a challenge ,trusting people when you have no other choice ,brings you into WHOLE NEW ball game. However,the truth remains that the blessing does really come from our Obedience. I am saying ALLLLLLLL this to say that ....DO NOT FIGHT ALONE!. Like its so crazy that this conversation is what God really chose to highlight because he knows that in this life we all fight many personal battles. For some of us it may be daily, others weekly,others monthly. The fact is , we will all have battles, we will all have bad days and good days and amazing times and depressing times. Do not do life alone, community is everything....whether it be a friend, a church member, a neighbor..... doing life alone can be indeed scary. We are stronger together and if I didn't reach out when I did ,I really don't think I would be able to even write this right now. No one knows how much things happen on a daily basis that could cause us to quit, throw in the towel, but if you share your story you would be surprised of the support you will get or how you could help someone else. So here I am sharing my own truth at this point in my life. That I am totally sad,having a very hard week and simply missing my friend .
So dear friend, I am happy that God allowed you to come into my life for twenty years! Thanks for your lesson ...because you have shown me how important it is to build community. You were always a team player and never failed to make someone else happy ! I will remember you forever ,I love you and see you again in heaven. Rest In Peace.
To anyone that has ever lost someone....
To anyone that ever felt alone on this journey of life....
To everyone,
I am here with you and most importantly God will never leave you nor forsake you!
lets pray:_
Thank you God that you never leave us nor forsake us, thank you that you are our very present help in times of trouble. God comfort every heavy heart that may read this, touch every person that may feel alone or weary. Let your love overtake them like a flood and I pray that they know that their hope is in you God. Be there guide today,in Jesus Name I pray Amen.
Be encouraged today,
Love always,
A.
