“Never Have I Ever”, many of us know this to be a drinking game…..”
I guess this is where my story starts….not fitting for a Christian blog you say!
We will get to that, but for the ones that have no idea what this game is about, let me help you lol.
1. At least five people are usually needed to play the game. You can use less than five, but it’s usually not as much fun! You should sit in a circle so you can see everyone’s hands.
2. Each player holds 10 fingers in front of them. You can rest your hands on the floor or hold your hands up. Either way, everyone starts with 10 chances
3. The first player announces something they’ve never done. You can have someone volunteer to go first, the first player says “Never have I ever....” and then announces something outrageous they haven’t done. It's best if the player thinks it's likely something other people have done.
For example, you can say something like "Never have I ever been to Europe," "Never have I ever been arrested," or "Never have I ever had sex"
4. Put one finger down if you’ve done what the first player said. The players who also haven’t done it should keep all of their fingers up
5. The person with fingers remaining up wins. The last person who has fingers up wins the game.
So now that we are all up to speed, lets begin.
On August 27th 2016, two years to date, I moved to the US from Trinidad, if you read my previous blog post, I dived a bit into that aspect, it was not intended to be a permanent move but we will see what happens. I enrolled in my first year of my program and I just remember thinking, wow my dreams are coming true. In reality, they were, I have been praying intently that I would study abroad and have a career in what I am doing now. I have been in church from birth and I accepted Jesus as my lord and savior (will explain at the end) at the age of 11.I was your typical “church girl”. Like as kids ,my cousins and I played pretend deliverance and holy ghost sessions for fun, we were as “churched” as it gets. Before my move , I served as the dance leader, youth leader and a Sunday school teacher at my church.Yeahhh ,I did a lot, and I enjoyed every minute of serving God. For the most part it was all I knew, I was familiar with the “worldly” stuff such as partying and drinking because I live on an island that emulated this lifestyle …. ,but it never interested me much.
I didn’t have one of those big desires that when I moved to the US, I was gonna be wild and free, nah that was not really my desire. I loved the independence but I was determined to serve the lord and not become another statistic of a Christian that goes off to college and backslides….nah fam,I was not about to go down that road.
I know this BLOG will be a bit lengthy but I am real life sharing my story so flow with me…
It didn’t take long for me to recognize that I was gonna be in the roller coaster ride of my life. For some reason ,my first four months now are a blur to me because I call it my grace period. Like nothing was happening,I was settling in and the changes tho they were heavily evident at this time… I did not take it seriously. As I explained in the previous blogs I left a well paying job,a steady relationship, ministries that I was heading and most importantly the comfort of my friends and family. Now that may not sound like a big deal to you but when everything .... like literally all of the above is stripped away in one second ,loneliness steps in ,in a major way. I felt like I almost had nothing, I mean I couldn't find a job….no how no where…. My relationship ended…like died,a sudden death…my friends ….i could count the real ones on one hand…. I had no church family and my family that I was now surrounded with was a long way from understanding me.
I didn’t get time to process all these sudden changes because God began calling me into ministry. As many of you may have saw ,I started “speaking” on my campus through our very powerful campus ministry ,which really helped anchor me for a minute. I drowned myself in preparing for these messages, still grappling with these major feelings of “loss” and of course graduate school. Things got worst … now while this was happening I did not have words to define it like I do now. But all I could say is that every comfort I had began falling away… it was like I couldn’t find peace in my home,in my school, in my barely existing friends and of course running to God with these thoughts never seemed to bring the “answer” I was looking for.
THIS IS NOT MY BOOK SO I WILL SUMMARIZE
I cant say exactly when it started but I found so much peace in drinking. To some that’s no big deal ,but I was not talking about throwing back one bottle of Smirnoff or Guinness or Stag or any other beers nah fam… I was drinking it all . I tried to tell this story and I am like God no one would believe me because I have never been drunk!! I mean high…sure, but drunk to the point where I was out …no. And yes I was drinking it all from A-Z
Insert clapping hands and ratchet here …..GOD HAD PURPOSE!
I remember hanging one day with some acquaintances and this game ‘NEVER HAVE I EVER’ came up.
I mean, I was sure I was gonna win this game because I am the :Christian one right…. Yeah I was drinking, but I mean, lets be real, everyone did that…. those were my thoughts. The people I was playing with also knew that I was a Christian because they would attend my bible talks, so everyone was already routing for me to win.
The games goes on and I find myself with my fingers decreasing at a faster rate than I expected and I mean they were speaking about basic stuff from drinking, partying, sex, getting into fights,gambling, etc……
Bruh ,I was Losing!!!!!!!!
Point one:- Grace… the scripture tells us “For by the grace given me I say everyone of you,do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement,in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.Romans 12:3
Ohhh the irony of this scripture, lets jus say, that moment was a super reality check for me. This blog will have to be a part 1 and part 2 because of the many in between stuff that took place that led me here. The sad reality is ,I didn’t even know when I lost myself, clearly at some point.. I started seeking that peace and fulfillment in other things.
I will say this…. I was a girl, loss and confused, because for the first time, I had to ask myself
.. is God my sure foundation?, why do I want to serve him? Why do I love him? Does he even love me, after all ,he is allowing my life to hurt pretty bad right now? What do I get from serving him anyway? I really felt like a victim for actually obeying him and moving in the first place
The REAL QUESTIONS began to surface, you know ,when religion is removed …and your faced with life and a decision.
Yes I have been to conferences, seminars ,everything in the book but I was still ….lost!
I will go deeper in my next blog but to clarify a few things… I stated that I gave my life to Jesus at the age of eleven which means( declaring that Jesus is your lord and savior, believing that he rose from the dead and choosing to make him lord of your life). At that time , I loved God and I knew it was the best decision ever…I still loved God up to this point but the truth is I was not in relationship with him ,hence I could not find peace in him. When MY WORLD BEGAN TO CRUMBLE , running to him didn’t seem to work for me and I was filled with guilt and shame for the many things I knew I did while still professing his name.
Hypocrite—No! Deceieved__yes!
You can do church for years and think you are in right relationship because you are hearing his voice, may be singing in the choir ,leading dance and even preaching.
That’s all good and necessary but Matthew 7:21-23 reminds us that “Not everyone who says to me ‘Lord Lord’will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my father in heaven.
This will…..it cannot be works like prophesying, preaching, casting out demons… nope he even told them ,depart from me ,I never knew you! Read it you’ll see!
This “will” here to me is this :-Matthew 2:37 “ Jesus replied love the lord God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” verse 8 goes on to say this is the first and greatest commandment.
WHY? ---because this brings us into relationship with him…. If we are in relationship with someone deeply, doing things that pleases them, flows naturally. Such as loving our neighbor as ourselves ,which is everyone.
REACHING NATIONS is me loving a perfect God with everything in me and sharing this same God with the world.
STORIES OF NATIONS My freedom for this in particular came on one of my trips home. God was intentional about speaking directly to me like “Apryl you have to stop drinking”, I mean I was shook!! I’ve always heard his voice but it came across so clear and then to confirm it ,he allowed one of my closest friends, who I am 100% sure had no idea what I was doing ,to say in that very moment…Apryl do you believe drinking is right? Yo ,I was like my GAWDD !!!!!!
Like I really stopped after that point …out of fear at first ofcourse…lol but eventually because I fell in love with this Jesus and I was intentional about not letting anything come in between our relationship.
This is the God… the one that wants to reach the nations with his love, and especially us “church people” , who may or may not be in relationship with him but never realize it until life throws you a big rock.
I mean this is only one of the MANY things that God delivered me from,and still continues to ,thank God. My story is long lol I am sorry but its worth telling because God has saved my life from death….next blog …and soooo much more
TAKEAWAY: The freedom ,joy and peace I have now was worth every trial and tribulation becauseit brought me to my knees, over and over and over again. So Friend, My only desire today is that even as you have heard a lil snippet of my story, that you look inward and see if your intent in serving God is a pure one, is a real one…are you standing on a sure foundation ?,have you invested time with God to know and understand his heart ?or have you gotten stuck in the routine of Christianity? This is the season where I KNOW he is sending some major earthquakes and storms our way to test our foundation because he is only interested in those who will loose their life to find him. And if by chance, you're not a christian and you don’t know this God that I am talking about…. He is the best thing that could EVER happen to you,I promise. Just like none of us like having fake friends, he always test the ones who say they love him and purpose to do his will , so that you can be perfect and complete lacking absolutely nothing. So it does not matter what you have done or 'never have i ever done',he desires to come into relationship with you.
LETS PRAY: Dear God, I am sorry if I ever did anything to offend you, known and unknown,seen and unseen. Any hidden intent in my heart that really does not look like you. Please remove it and set me truly free. My desire is to come into right relationship with you and love you with my heart, mind, soul just like you commanded. Bring me to yourself, draw me as only you can. I give my life over to you and I thank you that you are my sure foundation.
In Jesus name I pray…Amen
Be Blessed,
Love Always,
A.